Record number of thoughtless gifts without ending in divorce
Midwestern husband Ronald T. Corrigan bought his wife yet another horrible gift this year, though remains convince that it was a great choice
“That vacuum gets great reviews on Amazon in the reasonable price range,” remarked Corrigan. “It’s not like it gets two stars and has been recalled!”
When it was pointed out that he’d bought his wife a dustbuster last year, Corrigan observed, “Exactly. I thought even bigger this year! Dustbusters are great for her to reach tight spaces, but she has a whole house to clean! I mean, my son and I get the place pretty messy, and we want the moderately-priced best for her.”
Gifts from Corrigan to his wife have included a Jesse “The Body” Ventura weight set, a men’s size extra large Green Bay Packers jacket (which somehow also fit him perfectly), an electric can opener, a Subway’s gift card, a Weight Watchers membership, and wrinkle cream, which was the first gift he ever bought her.
Corrigan’s friends don’t know how this streak has lasted for so long. “I don’t know what is more surprising,” said his friend Bryan “BJ” Johnson, “that she hasn’t left him, because we all know she’s too good for him anyway, or that he hasn’t just gotten her an Amazon.com gift card like I used to get for my ex-wife so she was free to get the household cleaner of her dreams.”