The Nooze had to regretfully part ways with former columnist Rusty Trombones. As part of settlement, we are contractually required to publish his unpublished drafts in their entirety. Here is one.
Get resume.
Vodka.
Superficial review. Meaningless buzzwords. Useless degrees. Unverified skills.
Fat blunt.
Sleep through interview. Mindfuck. Pretend to give a shit. More mindfucking.
8-ball.
Hold onto resume for 4.7 months.
Cocaine off a hooker’s asscrack.
Hire. Underpay. Treat like snotrag. Laugh.
Cash bonus check. Repeat.
