Geoffrey Epstein would like to point out out frustrating it is that you learned how to pronounce his name properly in this way.
Hey there, folks! Geoffrey here—yes, it’s Geoffrey with a ‘G,’ not Jeffrey with a ‘J.’ And no, I’m not trying to make a point here, just trying to survive in this whirlwind of name controversies surrounding my now infamous namesake. You know, it’s never easy being the other guy.
There I was, minding my own business just a few months ago, when a Zoom call turned into name bingo. “Sorry, can you repeat that, Gee-off?” “Hey, Gaffrey, right?!” “Goff, is it?” Each of those mispronunciations was like a tiny paper cut—a little irritating, but I dealt with it. For I’ve learned that Geoffrey is a name rooted in kindness, intelligence, and the occasional awkward moment when no one can figure out how to pronounce it right.
For my entire life, my American colleagues have called me ‘Gee-off-ree’. But now that this other rapscallion is in the news again, they somehow can pronounce my name just fine. Andf they never just say my first name, it’s always, ‘OK, JEFFREY Epstein’ which they find hilarious. Let’s be real: the only reason my coworkers are getting my name right now is because of my namesake’s antics.
Ever since THAT Jeffrey Epstein hit the headlines again, my American coworkers are suddenly excited to talk with me on calls. The very same people who used to butcher my name in all kinds of creative ways are now getting it right! “Oh, ‘JEFF’rey!” they coo now, as if they had just discovered the Holy Grail of proper pronunciation. “JEFFrey, your presentation was excellent!” Really? Since when did you begin to respect my name?!
But here’s the kicker, folks: It’s the enthusiasm that really grinds my gears. Suddenly, everyone’s obsessed with saying my name correctly! I show up to work, and my colleagues seem more excited than they’ve ever been about correct pronunciation. It’s like seeing someone with celiac who has just discovered gluten-free donuts.
So here’s to Geoffrey! Not Jeff, not Gaffrey; just a humble guy whose fame is fleeting but whose name has become the ‘it’ thing among inquisitive coworkers. Now, if I could only convince them to start fawning over my middle name next. Fingers crossed!
As for accusations that I am a pedophile, all I can say is the statute of limitations has run out and there’s no extradition treaty any more, so no need to even comment on those. Uh, I mean, funny joke!
