It was a dark and stormy night when Bob Peterson, a self-proclaimed ‘non-contractor’ and ‘occasional home repair enthusiast,’ finally felt the true wrath of Mother Nature. The hailstorm that swept through his neighborhood hit with a ferocity that made Peterson feel a little alive for the first time in decades. He even got a bit of a chubby, to tell the truth.
Upon inspection, he found his roof peppered with dings and dents. “This can’t be good,” he muttered.
His phone almost immediately began to sing a cacophony of notifications. First, there was the unmistakable sound of a text message. “Hi Bob! Hail damage? We can fix that roof FAST!” it read.
Before he could even compose a response, his phone rang. “Hi there! This is Dave from XYZ Roofing! Did you know you might have hail damage? We specialize in roof repairs!” Peterson sighed, finding himself besieged by a veritable army of roofing companies, all picking up where Dave had left off. One after the other, his phone buzzed and rang, showering him with messages and calls. It was like the League of Extraordinary Roofers was trying to recruit him as their newest member.
After a week of relentless bombardment from every roofing company within a 100-mile radius, far exceeding any impact that the hailstorm had, Peterson had reached his wit’s end. He ventured onto the web, discovering that all it took to receive this unsolicited attention was a weather-related insurance claim, an online research attempt, and probably just existing in the hellscape that is life in the 2020s.
Peterson took to the ‘Do Not Call’ registry, hoping it would provide him with the silence he craved. With this strategy solidified, he reclined back in his chair, cracked open a pop, and anticipated a peaceful existence, free of unsolicited calls.
Almost magically, calls and txts ceased for the next week. Peterson came to an unexpected realization: without the bombardment of beeps and rings, he was left alone with the undisturbed thoughts in his head, these thoughts themselves could generously be described as disturbed.
What was the void he had discovered? He led a busy and fruitful life. Why, he had just texted his sister in March to say happy birthday and his brother in 2023 when he was diagnosed with colon cancer, so he felt up-to-date with his communication needs. He had fed the pigeons earlier that week. He had made riveting small talk with the acne-scarred teenaged clerk in the hardware store just yesterday. What could possibly be missing?
