Midwestern Cities Rebrand

Farmer looking bored and looking at sheep (for no particular reason).

Ah, the midwest. When you think about it, and you don’t, you probably envision cornfields, barbituates, alcoholism, and maybe a little cousing fucking (though not as much as in the south).

To help overcome these perceptions, midwestern cities are proposing bold new mottos to showcase what they have to offer. Here are the top slogans for 2025:

Chicago, IL: The City to Get Blown In

Detroit, MI: Tire Tracks All Across Your Back, I Can See You’ve Had Your Fun

Saint Paul, MN: The Twin City That Fucks

Minneapolis, MN: Prince Thought We Were Ok

Omaha, NE: We Will Eat Your Vegan Friend

Cleveland, OH: No River Fires Since the Summer of ’69. (Bryan Adams, please write a song sequel.)

South Bend, IN: Get Bent!

St. Louis, MO: Your Gateway Drug to the West

Des Moines, IA: You’ll Never Spell or Pronounce It Right

Kansas City, MO: So Much More Than Just Racist

Milwaukee, WI: If You Want To Visit Every State, You’re Kind Of Stuck With Us or Madison