Vigilante Justice Saves the Day Again

Taking matters into their own bloody glove-stained hands, at least a dozen local heroes beat and killed local asswipe Don Zimmerman after he proceeded to blow snow into their street.

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“My car… I’ve been stuck already three times this winter,” said one balaclava-wearing justice warrior. “What, I’m just gon’ get stuck again?”

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To honor their efforts, and protect their anonymity, this reporter has concealed all details from this paper’s management and local law enforcement officials. To help ensure confidentiality, photographic evidence of the sacred homicide have been replaced in this article with some random image of Canadian summer shoveling.