1st Grade musical performance was by a sellout hack, not a true artist

Midwestern man had a major breakthrough in his Tuesday therapy session, as he finally was able to come to terms with a repressed memory his mind couldn’t accept.

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It revolved around a singer invited to sing in the school assembly in the gymnasium one winter morning.

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“He played a song, ‘No One Can Fool with the Fonz’,” said Christofer Johnson, “and the truth is they couldn’t because he was a fictional character. But the deeper truth is that the performer wasn’t singing it from true conviction and risking his art to have it be heard. He was just pandering to 1st grader Happy Days fans.” Tears welled on his cheeks.

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“In fact, his second and last song, ‘Who Killed John Lennon’, wasn’t a deep quest for the societal underpinnings that could lead to such a heinous murder, but rather a rhetorical exercise in lyrical masturbation by someone who knew the truth but pandered to project fake meaning.”

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When this reporter left him, Johnson could be heard lamenting the hackiness of a magician who visited the school in second grade. “But I knew that at the time, so we’re good. No more breakthroughs.”