It’s almost like he’s got conflicted feelings about their relationship

Midwestern man Davey Spikavey admitted to having mixed emotions about his family’s upcoming visit, the first since he moved to another town.

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“It will be cool to show them I have my shit together,” Spikavey acknowledged, “then again that’s just a front for the lies and deceit under which I spend my entire waking life.”

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Asked about why he moved in the first place, Spikavey said, “I wanted to try driving a U-Haul.”

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We stopped the interview and left at this point. There will be no follow-ups.