Our COVID-19 Generosity Is Rated NCAA+ By Us!

In a magnanimous gesture that should be celebrated across the land, NCAA President Grubs Monklee announced that unpaid student athletes would receive a multiple for their unpaid labor.

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“Three times anything is fucking generous as fuck!” said Monklee while using his ivory back scratcher. “You know what? Fuck triple. Let’s quadruple that shit!”

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Monklee said that to allow for that generosity, athletes would have to play twice the games this year and also accommodate a rigorous public appearance schedule, sans masks with big smiles for photo shoots, swing dances, and MCing local church bingo games.

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“In fact, we will cut the rate of increase of our corporate salaries to twice the rate of inflation and our bonuses to a maximum of 3x salary. Of course, we’ll have to offset that by increasing our discretionary stipends.”