Hasn’t talked with another human being this year.

In an area full of yard signs supporting #BLM, emergency workers, and school-graduation related congratulations, one yard sticks out: Bert McIlvoy’s.

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Like any mediocre white man, he feels everyone should be presented with his opinions, whether sought or not. You know, like almost all mediocre white men, except McIlvoy does it in sign form.

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Sometimes contradictory, mostly unnecessarily inflammatory, McIlvoy’s signs present a broad spectrum of uninformed viewpoints in modtly incoherent messages on everything from abortion rights (“Close your legs to protect your eggs”), police brutality (“If you can’t do the time, don’t bust rap rhymes”) and education (“I made it to six grade and I got it made”).

Reporter’s personal favorite yard sign: If you’re not under one of my wheels, I drove too slow.

“You’re the first person I’ve talked to this year,” acknowledged McIlvoy while eating something resembling jerky in a shed in his side yard. “We could have just communicated through my yard signs, you know?”

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When asked when he would feel more comfortably venturing out after the pandemic was less active, McIlvoy replied, “Wait, what pandemic?”