Heroic dog uses quarantine time to provide detailed feedback to owner

The following is a small portion of the feedback received by Midwestern dog owner Buddy Johannssen, from his Pekanese-Chihuahua, Tuffy.

“Why do you waste so much time before providing treats?”

“Those shorts make you look Albanian.”

“Why don’t you conserve water and just lick yourself clean?”

“You know you talk to yourself a lot.”

“Your semen will soon be useless for procreation.”

“Peanut butter jar should be accessible to all.”

“You had lettuce in your teeth your entire date, that’s why you didn’t get belly rubbed.”

“When I hump, you submit!”

“I don’t sleep in your bed, you sleep in my bed!”