Welcome to the orphanage, we’ll now have money for games.

In The Room is our exclusive behind-the-scenes questionably-sourced comprehensive guide to the stories behind the stories of the stories with people so convincing you are sure that they know someone who knew someone who was actually there.

This week: Our seventh-hand account of the pivotal moment in Guns N Roses history when Slash left the band.

Matt Sorum: We’re late getting on stage again, Axl. I know that because I’m paid to keep time. Because I’m a drummer and shit.

Axl Rose: I know what time the concert is supposed to start. You know where I was!

Slash: Yeah, with the fucking orphans.

Duff McKagan: Orphans don’t buy a lot of concert tickets, Axl. And the ones that do get show times printed on their tickets.

Slash: Always with the orphans. You need to knock it off about those fucking orphans. I get it! “No living parents.” We all have problems.

Duff: Yeah including… Fucking stop with the Dickens books on tape before we go on stage!

Slash: Yeah, give us some Aerosmith or Zeppelin or something.

Duff: It’s hard to be all, “Fuck yeah, Dayton!” when you’ve been listening to “alms for the poor” bullshit. What the fuck is an alm?

Slash: At least give them some cash or some potatoes or something.

Axl: Good idea. Speaking of which, before we hit the stage, just sign these papers for me. Nothing you need to read, boilerplate stuff.

Duff: My job description says “no reading required.” That’s why I learned the bass in the first place.

Slash: Yeah, I’m gonna read those. What the fuck? “All profits generated by GnR LLC past and present shall be directed to Tiny Tim Charities.”

What the fuck is an alm?

Axl: Yeah, we’re a non-profit now. Everything is going to orphan clothing and food. Boilerplate rock and roll band stuff. Let’s hit the stage!

Slash: So we go out there, in Dayton fucking Ohio, in 100f heat and humidity, and at the end of the show I’m poorer than when I started?

Axl: Not in heaven you won’t be. Not in heaven.