• Man Concedes Key Childhood Memory Was Fraud, Not Art

    1st Grade musical performance was by a sellout hack, not a true artist Midwestern man had a major breakthrough in his Tuesday therapy session, as he finally was able to come to terms with a…

  • Man Excitedly Dreading Family Visit

    It’s almost like he’s got conflicted feelings about their relationship Midwestern man Davey Spikavey admitted to having mixed emotions about his family’s upcoming visit, the first since he moved to another town. n “It will…

  • Measles? More Like Yousles!

    Power of idiotic thinking “beats easily preventable diseases all the time” Midwestern man Petey Sampson may have lost his entire family to measles, small pox, the black plague and to complex syphilis, among other diseases…

  • Dog Concerned About Storm-Related Treat Shortages

    Owner went to store for human foods, seemingly oblivious to doggie needs As a winter storm approached their home, bulldog Beatrix felt something was amiss. n “Sure, I can feel it in my bones when…

  • Dog Leaves Ball in Perfect Place

    Owner can’t possibly ignore it under stationary bike pedal. Human servant decided to get some selfish “me-time” on the exercise bike. But brave, dedicated and loyal border collie Flava knew what that really meant –…

  • Peloton Now $40 Month Laundry Hanger in Storage Room

    It looks great when company comes over, which is rare. “I’ll start using it again next winter,” lies its owner. nnnn

  • Our Podcast In Your Voice

    Use the magic of your own voice to narrate your way to podcasting fame Pick the top article of your choosing. Click record on your mobile device. Read the words in the article in close…

  • Another Day In Paradise

    Against all odds, two hearts beat to the sound of different drummers. n Midwestern father Bill Collins considers how much less Phil Collins his son has heard at his age versus what he was subjected…

  • Lego My Desire to Die

    Legos now come in all these shapes and sizes yet my heart remains stony and small. I’ve been held captive by my child in this store for an hour and a half. I think the…

  • Trum-pee Omen in Midwest Applebee’s

    Applebee’s “happy this news distracts people from thinking about the shit they are putting into their systems” Damning evidence of the existence of a Donald Trump pee tape has appeared over the urinals in a…

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Satan’s Minions

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