Midwest
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You Done Fucked Up, Ewen
Condemns Whitley sophomore to life of poverty and early death. Midwestern man is claiming ignorance and pleading poverty, unwilling to acknowledge that he is ultimately wholly responsible for the gender wage gap for at least…
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Denim Man Mows the Streets
Nobody knows where he comes from, but those pants were definitely bought at Kohl’s. In the wee hours of the morning and in the last rays of the evening’s light, he can be seen on…
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Dog Translating Full Tolstoy Catalog
“You expected something more contemporary?” laughs incredulous canine. Confounding expectations, midwestern good boy Sergeant Woofies picked a most unusual hobby, especially for a dog: long-form translation. “It started that miserable winter we had two years…
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Washer Soils Kids’ Dreams
Anytown, USA. Apple pies. Kittens with mittens. AK-47s. Kids doing unsupervised laundry. A washing machine manufacturer has solved a problem that has vexed parents for decades: how can they get their kids to stop proactively…
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You Disappointed the Dog
Heroic dog uses quarantine time to provide detailed feedback to owner The following is a small portion of the feedback received by Midwestern dog owner Buddy Johannssen, from his Pekanese-Chihuahua, Tuffy. “Why do you waste…
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20 Is Plenty, But Not to Them
You can’t spell ‘pedophile’ without ‘people’ Pedophiles are rallying against the Twenty is Plenty car speed campaign. Midwestern area NAMBLA head Chuck Goodboy called the new vehicle speed campaign insufficient to truly meet the needs…
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Satan’s Minions
Your prostate, our prostate.
